


And Away

by dibidibidiwata



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: (not explicit) - Freeform, Ambiguous Relationships, Insomnia, M/M, WHEN WILL YOU LEARN THAT YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES, i feel like i dont have enough legitimate tags, me about this entire fic, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-27
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-07-18 05:54:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16112216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dibidibidiwata/pseuds/dibidibidiwata
Summary: Kyungsoo will come to the conclusion that galaxies are big and broad and beautiful so really it makes sense that Kyungsoo isn’t enough for him to stay.





	And Away

**Author's Note:**

  * For [chansleftchiddie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/chansleftchiddie/gifts).



Kris leaves slowly but suddenly all the same.

No one notices because no one needs to. The thought makes him uncomfortable whenever he thinks about it, just as uncomfortable as he is grateful for it.

No one gives leaving a proper thought because they’d open their eyes and remember they have 11 people they’d made promises with, 11 people to keep them going. No one except for Kris. As he readies himself to cut loose from his end of the deal, everyone else does what’s natural and holds on tighter.

It’s all too evident in the night. 

The dorm is silent except for the occasional groan coming from the main rooms, the ones stemming from an unsatisfactory drama plot, a hip making contact with the counter, or the severe lack of snacks. That and Kyungsoo’s light breathing. He can feel the warmth of it spreading against his chest, up to the blush he can feel on his cheeks and down to the pits of his stomach, turning, turning against him, because this is all going to be over soon and Kris won’t be able to fix things and he hates it. But that’s how he needs it to be.

More than he needs this. More than Kyungsoo needs him. Because he doesn’t really, none of them do.

He’s never seen Kyungsoo cry and doesn’t think he ever will because even devastated and surprised, Kyungsoo is kinder than he is. They both know that if Kyungsoo cried he would take it all back and stay so he’ll let him leave and deal with it all in the aftermath.

Luhan and Kyungsoo will find each other, for sure. Just like they did the first time they’ll do it quietly and uncharacteristically light-hearted. They’ll join each other prioritizing choreographies they don’t need over the ones they’ve been rehearsing for a month, maybe sometimes speaking but never really needing to. They already know each other like the back of their hands.

Chanyeol is still learning, having met the Kyungsoo with more than a few walls up, things are different, but they’ll find each other too. He’ll be the one to wrap his arms around him as he cries and Kris lies to himself as he pretends to wonder how much Chanyeol will hate him. He already knows it’ll take far longer for his anger to calm than Kyungsoo’s. He feels the arms around him squeeze a bit as his body lightly shuffles into a more comfortable position.

Kyungsoo will never know but he squeezes back; in lieu of the apology he’ll never give.

 

 

 

Everything’s hotter with Kyungsoo. Not _hot_. Not physical or like burning arousal or anything—nothing to do with his dick. They aren’t like that and neither of them want to be like that. But like going to the gym and feeling your muscles burn, thriving in the promise of support your body gives you even if you feel like passing out. Or a rainforest where everything is full of depth and life and death and it’s humid, but only because that’s what’s keeping everything beautiful, real, together.

That kind of hot. Encouraging hot. Tropical hot.

Perfect for fires.

And Chanyeol feels it often in different ways, different forms, but always fuelling him and always for Kyungsoo.

The dorms are always noisy. M’s, K’s—it doesn’t matter. With at least 5 people in each dorm there is always some kind of noise being made. But not when they should all be heading to practice. Not when M’s already driven off and most of K had already gotten into the van when Chanyeol rushed back up for his drink bottle. Not when he left alone.

Except there is and, when Chanyeol spins around from the counter, he remembers why. M is gone except for Kris and they catch each other's gaze, K still half an hour early to rehearsal but Chanyeol apparently too late to completely avoid Kris.

Kris averts his gaze. He adjusts the boxes by his hip and does his final single-handed sweep of the common room carefully with the broom in his other hand. Every frame is in its assigned corner (the ones with Kris turned down in consideration because apparently Kris still adores every single one of them), every pillow in its designated position, every blanket folded, all eleven pairs of slippers on the rack. There’s still space for one more but that isn’t something either of them can fix.

And it’s ridiculous how the room is actually clean when he knows—Kris _knows_ —that he can’t do anything about the actual mess of a group he’s leaving behind.

Kris has his hand on the handle, one foot out the door, and Chanyeol wonders if he should fix this situation. He’s half of the group’s resident puppy duo; there isn’t a moment when he isn’t at least an inch within a person’s usual comfort zone. Maybe he’ll do the right thing, unlike Kris, and actually take responsibility of his role, get up real close and slam the door for him, push both feet out like everyone _finally_ knows Kris wants to.

There’s a churning in his stomach, but the heat that rises doesn’t stay on charmed cheeks or flustered ears, instead it rises straight to his head. When Kris stops and leans the broom against the wall it’s better, he supposes, the dorm is silent as it should be. But definitely not because Chanyeol is alone.

It’s silent because Chanyeol has already said what he needed to. It’s silent because _what do you mean you’re leaving tomorrow?_ because _concerts are right around the corner_ , because _how long?_ It’s silent because they’ve already asked him all of this and Kris still doesn’t know how to respond.

The dorm is silent because he's leaving _—_ meant to already be gone _—_ and he's never coming back.

He doesn’t.

It’s too much effort to put in when he has actual teammates to be meeting up with right now, when he’s actually committed to sticking with Kyungsoo through thick and thin.

Instead he opens the door even further, the hand Kris had on it falling lamely to his side. Chanyeol isn’t a saint though, still shrugs past the giant, determined not to be the one watching a friend walk away.

Kris doesn’t grab him in the shoulder, turn him around, doesn’t make Chanyeol look him in the eye. He isn’t even trying, really (he is. Chanyeol knows this.) He just has the fucking _nerve_ to know that Chanyeol is going to hear him whisper.

“I still trust all of you to do what’s right… but take care of each other, yeah? And take care of yourself.”

And suddenly it isn’t completely for Kyungsoo anymore. His head feels lighter and his stomach is fine but his feet are heavy and his eyes are wet and they sting and he’s nodding without looking back.

He wants to. Most of the members had bid him proper goodbyes, and he’d like one of those, but if he turns back now the only thing he’ll have to offer will be _stay. Please stay._ And no one wants that, not really. No one signed up to be anyone's _chain_. 

Chanyeol doesn’t say anything like that, he doesn’t turn around, but he isn’t sure if what actually comes out it better or worse.

“We miss you,” he says, just as quietly.

And then his feet are moving again, trying to make up for the _good luck_ in his voice, the _I love you, do well_.

 

 

 

Galaxies are endless—or not. Everything has its limits, but Kyungsoo can’t begin to fathom where they would end and can only imagine that the order of galaxies, picking up where another leaves off, goes on infinitely.

He knows where it begins though and it begins with a boy that doesn’t really know where he’s going, who just knows that it’ll be _up, I’m going up_.

He spends his nights long legs dangling off the edge of the building, head tilted as he considers the sky. Kris isn’t one to seek the thrill of near-death experiences, he doesn’t want to die, he doesn’t want to almost die but he’s willing to make this sacrifice so that when he gets there, _up_ , he might already understand. He doesn’t love the sky but that’s just how things are and he feels closer to the absolute zero of space when the air is biting at his skin and he is a nudge away from dying.

At least, that’s as much as Kris tells him. Kris doesn’t share nearly anything of the thoughts that linger in his mind but Kyungsoo understands. No pushing—it might only take a tap to send the boy to die. What he won’t stand for, though, are the thin pyjamas Kris insists on wearing in every night.

Kris' can of cola is nudged aside with Kyungsoo's foot. “If you don’t take this blanket don’t act surprised when I actually push you into the sand.” The drink in his own hands doesn’t look anything like the one in Kris’ because Kyungsoo has warm tea and isn’t a complete idiot. “You know we’re filming tomorrow. Management is going to throw you into a pit of _fire_ if you wake up nasally.”

“Temperature?” As if the answer would make a difference to their company. As if a dazzling negative twenty degrees would stop them from sending their beloved idols to go skinny-dipping for entertainment.

They won’t be going skinny-dipping tomorrow, skinny-dipping is far too scandalous but neither of them doubt that staff would make it happen if their CEO had said it should be so. “Definitely far lower than tonight,” he answers simply. “Coat season at its finest.” They might as well, actually—wander the waters nude. They’ve already been thrown into the deep end, now it just takes the form of vans going to god-knows-where in the middle of the night. Maybe they’ll charge for abduction and maybe some lawyer will walk in to say something along the lines of _no, that couldn’t work_ , to remind them again that it _there isn’t anything you can do—you’ve already signed your life away._

The stars are always better out here away from the buzzing crowd, the tight air that suffocates so many beautiful glimpses of light. So Kyungsoo bends his neck to follow the taller boy’s gaze. Kris doesn’t seem to mind the change of scenery for the night. He’s still going strong when Soo retires inside his own van to make himself comfortable beside Junmyeon, and when he wakes up, it’s to Han being a dick and pulling his leg with a “Kris fell asleep on the roof of the van so we’re all going to scold him for it.”

Decency is clearly overrated in this family so he aims around Junmyeon's sleeping body for Luhan: foot to face. "I told him off yesterday." His voice feels raspy and he knows he'll have to deal with that before shooting. But shooting is later and it only takes a light nuzzling into Junmyeon's arm to get him to dip his neck back to Kyungsoo's height. Then the two of them are as dead-unconscious as they should be.

When Kyungsoo wakes up next, when he finally gets a grip on being aware of his surroundings, he's already standing, clinging onto Yixing's arm because he might not be any less bleary, but he's always had the best balance. It's warmer than Junmyeon, which is nice, and he must say as much because after what is probably a peck to his head, Xing's chin is on his shoulder and he has manual control of the boy burrowing into his chest.

"You were right." Kris says from somewhere. Up, probably, like always. Kyungsoo doesn't open his eyes to check.

"About what?" He can imagine the pout on Xing's face, respectfully looking up at Kris like Kyungsoo might be doing if he could be bothered.

"The weather."

Together they hum in response and Hyung waddles them slowly in the direction of the muttering he can hear from their manager. Something about the higher-ups. "Are we getting a new manager soon?"

"Maybe, he seems more vulnerable lately."

They both sigh. He thinks he can hear Kris' familiar footsteps somewhere behind them. And up. "Yeol's gonna cry."

A breath hitches behind them. Another one scoffs. " _I'm_ gonna cry if you don't hug me."

Kyungsoo lets one eye open with a frown when Yixing peels his arms around Kyungsoo's waist. Just as quickly someone else is tugging them into their arms. Or trying at least. Baekhyun is the same height as both Kyungsoo and Yixing _—_ pretty short. His arms aren't the best for this but not everyone can be 185 centimetres and Kyungsoo understands that.

Somehow, with Baekhyun's arms gripping around them both, Yixing can actually move more so he taps at Kyungsoo's eyelids, closes his single open eye, before he tugs him deeper into his chest. Baekhyun makes a sound of delight and then there is another chin propped comfortably on his other shoulder.

It's warmer. It's nice.

Chanyeol's voice proves Yixing's efforts useless, forces them his eyes open again because he's so loud and petulant and it's Chanyeol. "Yixing hyung!" He stumbles out of Exo-k's van, looking strangely like a giraffe in his posture, lean body all unnaturally diagonal and his legs near-galloping towards them. "I can't believe we're not in this episode with you guys!"

Following behind him, though much slower and steadier, Sehun nods and purses his lips in empathy. "Truly. Painful." In response to the eyebrow Kyungsoo quirks at that, he just shrugs, offering a small smile _. What can you do?_

He shoves at Chanyeol's shoulder who is pouting at Sehun's insincerity. "We have to go. Manager-nim says their filming will start soon."

As Sehun is dragging Chanyeol away Kyungsoo finally begins to take in his surroundings properly. Minseok hyung and Jongdae are eating cheese sticks with the film crew (Minseok and Jongdae are distracting the film crew), and based on the smell in the air, Junmyeon has managed to negotiate a round of coffee for everyone.

They're torn apart and busied to get ready for the day. The air bites at his skin. He remembers Kris' words from earlier on, and only then realizes that _yeah, he_ was _right_. It’s cold, colder than it's been in a while, but they’re all wrapped up in people or coats that devour them.

The rest of the group stay with them even though they aren't set to be on screen at any point for this episode. They don't act any different than usual. Distracting. Too loud. Unlike usual though, they're all due to leave very soon so the staff tolerate it.

Filming begins before anyone but Jongin and Sehun can get their hands on any coffee. It doesn't show because they can't afford it to. They're all in nice makeup, as pale as they can get away with, light and pretty.

Just before cameras roll, Kris and Junmyeon share uncharacteristic smiles and Kris raises a fist with a yell. Even with their limited mandarin vocabulary, Baekhyun and Kyungsoo understand immediately. _Fighting!_

Encouragement. Painted and barefaced alike shout in response. The two aren't terrible liars but Kyungsoo only has to glance around once in each direction to confirm that the meaning of what was meant to be an exclusive exchange wasn't missed by any of them. A warning.

Exo has to be perfect from now on because they've been everything but, since debut.

It's so cold but they move forward. They’re all wrapped in dreams that consume them.

And they’ve all heard it before, that Kris dreams of the stars. He’ll take his mother with him when he gets there, they're sure. But they don’t know it enough. Not now, when they have a point to prove. Not now, when their only focus is digging their graves to get rid of the title as SM’s failures, nothing else.

Later.

When Kris has memorized all the sounds of the night. Later, when they find out from an article. Later, when it is impossible to miss. Later they'll come to realize that they were everything he wanted but nothing that he needed. Later they will finally understand that the galaxy means _up, up, and away_.

Later, Kyungsoo will come to the conclusion that galaxies are big and broad and beautiful so really it makes sense that Kyungsoo isn’t enough for him to stay.

**Author's Note:**

> rip this feels super pretentious, and when will I learn to punctuate properly? forgive me. 
> 
> anyway notice how they camp out in their vans at some beach when the episode baekhyun and kyungsoo film the next day is in SEOUL :)


End file.
